Our Company Core Values
1) Whole Vegetables- We do not manufacture condiments using tomato paste. Tomato paste is a crutch in the condiment world and while it makes for an affordable sauce, it stifles creativity when there are so many other vegetables out there to base condiments on. What we strive for is uniqueness, and we would rather approach common condiments obliquely and develop something with interest to it, as opposed to going head to head with powerhouses like Heinz and hope that one minor tweak is all it takes to differentiate ourselves.
2) Humor- In addition to our focus on unique flavors we feel that an irreverent, nonsensical sense of humor is key to setting ourselves apart and not coming off as a bunch of self-rightous, arrogant gatekeepers. While we present different approach to our condiments, selling them from an elitist perspective will hinder our growth and we do not wish to be only associated with those "in the know."
3) Integrity- Integrity is a word that gets bandied about by corporations these days and we are no different... except we mean structural integrity. We guarantee that our products will remain molecularly stable and not spontaneously collapse in on themselves turning into a singularity ensuring the end of existence as we know it. We will show our commitment to the structural integrity of our product by backing it with this financial pledge: "Salsalluminatti guarantees all it's products against causing the end of the universe or double your money back."
4) Uniqueness- While being unique does not make something important, our goal is not to go head to head with major manufacturers. Our goal is not to destroy them or overtake them. Our market is people who are pressed for time and tired of the same old condiments, and aren't excited about having a spicy version condiment X to light a fire under their taste buds. Flavors and textures must be unique. If people want the same old ketchup, mustard, hot sauce, and barbecue sauce they have enough options already. We must strive to come at them obliquely, and maintain some reference point without aping them.
5) Humility- We certainly do not believe we have all the answers. We are just a group of people working for a shadow organization who love good food, and telling you what you should be eating and how you should conduct your life.
6) Earnestness- We believe in an earnest approach to our marketing. Webster's Dictionary defines "Earnest" as "Hey Vern!" Wait, what? (heavy sigh) Nevermind.